BAM Blog

Once Upon a Time

I find it beguiling though as I dream of my lost souls, they look as they did when we last knew each other.
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“Once upon a Time”, the cover title of my high school yearbook of my graduating year haunts me with nostalgia and wonder. What happened to all those black and white faces gazing back at me, so filled with innocence and awe? Some I have magically reconnected with through the clairvoyant medium of Facebook and Twitter. But so many more have disappeared into the ethers of life moving forward.

This is my 54th year and I still sense the loss of those extraordinary souls close by me. Whatever happened to Randy Kennedy, Steven Lervold, Brad Wyllie, Cindy Dryburgh and my most trusted friend of the time, Tracey Brauchmann. I know that I am equally, if not more to blame than them. My overwhelming fears and anxieties of “Coming Out” and the resulting turmoil intertwined with the self-centredness of youth prevented me from continuing the bond I so longed for. With the strength and wisdom of my now 54 years I look back and see how foolish I was. But this is now, and that was then. Wishing for something to have been different, only leads to more suffering in the now of ones life.

I find it beguiling though as I dream of my lost souls, they look as they did when we last knew each other. A more recent midlife friend reminded me of the importance of memories when he scribed on Facebook a quote from Downton Abbey’s character Carson the Butler. When speaking to Mrs Hughes, Carson uttered never more truer words, "The business of life is the acquisition of memories, in the end that is all there is."

I am so immensely grateful for the diverse memories of my youth carried with me, including the times so fraught with confusion and fear of the unknown, and yet so sweetly mixed with memories of unspoilt, untouched happenings devoid of the madness of future adulthood.

Living and being human requires reflection and observance of forces seemly beyond our control diverting us away from, or towards who we really are, and where we dare to go. Memories of times past, good and bad act as a guide in our quest for love, meaning and belonging. When looked upon with reverence and respect, those same memories allow us to move forward with grace and dignity.

I am once again, once upon a time, eternally grateful for so many magical memories that have graced my life. The beautiful souls that fill those memories were, and still are, deeply connected to me, and forever apart of me. I am who I am because of them, how they touched my life.

It is said that “we are the sum total of all our experiences” good and bad. We learn. We grow. We move forward and keep evolving. Hopefully, most of all we become better humans, better lovers, better neighbours and better friends.

Filled with great remembrance of experiences gone by, I place my pen down now with deep respect and gratitude to the souls whose paths have crossed mine in our sojourns of life.

Je vous remercie beaucoup pour mon "Once Upon a Time".